I participate in love affairs.
Not that kind you sickos...get your stinkin' minds out of the gutter!
I have a love affair with books. I am not a book snob, I love all kinds.
I have a love affair with ice cream. I admit that I am an ice cream snob. I don't care for the cheapy brands, and while I know that many no-name brands are just as good as the real things, this does not hold true in the ice cream department.
I have a love affair with music. As with books, I am no music snob. All kinds make me happy, and feed my soul.
Let me tell you what I do NOT have a love affair with...exercise.
It is my constant nemesis, the albatross around my chubby neck!
The last time I had a love affair with exercise was somewhere back around 1996-1997ish. I was teaching 5th grade. After school, Rogers, Patterson and I would walk. Somedays, I would do the "fast walk" and we would laugh so hard it took our breath away. Just the thought of those days makes me smile. In some ways I had never felt better. Seems strange, considering that time in my life was fraught with torment due to the loss of my daughter.
I want to regain that love of exercise. I have tried, but it isn't the same. Mostly because doing the "fast walk" isn't funny without Rogers and Patterson. I just look foolish and scare all the people driving past me. Suffice it to say, I've "lost that lovin' feeling".
I need to exercise. I need to do if for health reasons....heart health and mental health. I need to work out in order to work off my love affair with ice cream. I loathe the process. Getting the kids situated....it takes an act of Congress to get out the door. And why, WHY, do the makers of workout bras torment me so?? I have spent hours upon depressing hours trying to find a sports bra that fits a woman like myself. It doesn't seem fair that just because I am curvy up top, I should have to endure a uniboob when I work out!
Next come the nonsensical thoughts, that even I don't understand:
-If I lose the 17 pounds that haunt me, that simply puts me back to a former weight...one that was never good enough when I weighed it. Do you understand? My current goal is a weight that a few years ago wasn't acceptable to me. So really, why bother?
-I have a slew of things I am committed to doing, do I really want to add one more?
-Once I start working out, I have to do it forever, do you realize what a long time that is?!? Forever is perfect if you have renewed your love affair. But if not, you are plain out of luck, aren't you?
I know I have to suck it up, just take that first step. I understand I will feel so much better. I "get it"...all of the benefits and perks. My question is not about the payoff. I understand that anything I work hard to achieve will make me feel all warm and fuzzy. My question is how to ignite the passion. Especially when I despise the very thing I must learn to love. You see, I am an all or nothing person. I won't invest in things that I don't care for or about.
And Rogers, if you're reading this, leave a comment already!