Friday, September 25, 2009

Promises

Thank you sweet Carly. I don't really have adequate words, but I want those who read this to know what you did. Carly gave me a Recognition of Life certificate for my daughter. You can read here to understand why this gift is so valuable...priceless.Thank you again for your thoughtfulness Sarah.
And, thank you Barb for remembering...love you.

I'm not the smartest or most articulate, not the skinniest, prettiest, the coolest, or the wealthiest...definitely not the wittiest, I'm not a world traveler or a rock star. But let me tell you what I am. I'm honest. Because of that, you can trust me. And today I'm making a promise to those of you currently in the throes of grief, sorrow or disappointment.

I promise the anniversaries that are now greeting you with despair and hurt...those anniversaries will not always come barging in with such ferocity. Someday they will knock gently, and with a little more compassion. They will kindly wait for you to open the door of your heart. While the longing and sadness never completely leave you, and at times memories, smells or sounds will unexpectedly flood your mind and heart, thus taking your breath away...there will also be peace.

Happy 13th Birthday to my firstborn child. You are being loved and remembered by so many today, people all over this world. Amazing. I want to thank you for opening my eyes to the beauty of written words. It's one of many gifts you have given me. Even as a child I loved to read, but your influence has taught me to cherish the art of words.

From The Looking Glass, by Richard Paul Evans:
"I consider with wonderment the path which has led me to this place of tranquility. Though one does not forget the wounds of the past, scars can bring gratitude if we will consider the healer. There is not a day that I do not think of her. Though I have peace in my heart, it only makes my longing for her more clear."


From The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran:
"And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again into your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Some of you may say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay sorrow is the greater." But I say unto you, they are inseparable."


©2003 Susan Noyes Anderson, His Children, Vantage Point Press
We make of Life an enemy or friend,

depending on our hospitality...
our choice to welcome Her or let Her be,
our right to denigrate or to defend.

Her face is ever changing as the moon,
yet She is fixed and forthright as the stars.
Her gifts are wisdom, joy and battle scars;
and all must dance, unbidden, to Her tune.

Life comes to us unbridled; shall we hide?
Or will we, through the pleasure and the pain,
embrace the greatest heights we can attain
and smile upon the world with hearts flung wide?


I am learning to smile upon the world with my heart flung wide. I promise.

23 comments:

Jill said...

I thought about you at 5:15 a.m. this morning when my husband told me Happy Birthday before going to school. I couldn't go back to sleep. So I thought. And thought of what I would give you today on this shared day of ours.

To your family:
http://www.cookiesfromhome.com/Occasions/Anniversary/Tins/default.aspx

To you to be comfortable in (they are cuter in real life and you don't have to roll them up all the way like that):
http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=675658022&userSearchText=boyfriend+jeans&searchCID=26519

And for you to ride, that your daughter would have loved, so it's something you could have that brings joy and a little sweetness each sunny day(you can pick your color):

http://www.beachbikes.net/index.php?p=product&id=485&parent=148&pro_detail=Y

Definitely need to add a front basket and a flat bar shelf over the rear tire.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Krystyn said...

I'm glad you were able to have happy memories.

We try to remember my cousins that passed on their birthdays instead of the anniversaries of their deaths, to try to celebrate. I can't imagine how much harder it must be that they are the same day for you.

Barbara said...

I love your presents from Jill!

Thinking of you with love.

xxx

Laretha said...

You are beautiful, smart, witty and articulate.

My thoughts and prayers are with you today and always.

Hugs to you from Kansas City.

Love you,
L

Lindsay said...

I went through a few of your older posts this morning.
Happy Birthday Victoria!
That was very sweet of Carly indeed!
I hope this day brings peace for you..

Love you

Valsy said...

Nat
I have been thinking of you today. Of course. That is what sisters do.

As I look at my boy, sitting on the floor during another school day right this second and think, This is what it isn't suppose to be, I too know my own version of waking up with a story I didn't write.

When Tom got cancer, I gave him Kahlil's very words about the sorrow carving joy into your soul. :) Sometimes, good things come to those who suffer, like living past their expiration dates.

There is a God and I am not Him. He is mindful of our children, whereever they exsist or live outside of our human "ideal".

We, as the mothers of the children, are strong enough to handle it. :) I am glad to be in your company.

Emily said...

Thinking of you and your sweet daughter today!

Gretchen said...

Happy birthday to your sweet Victoria.

Much love to you and your family today Natalie. She truly is a special gift, who I wish (of course) could have been special in all sorts of different ways. Missing her with you.

karen said...

Thinking of you and Victoria today, and hoping that both of you are smiling at all the good wishes being sent your way.

Kim said...

Thinking of you and Victoria today, dear Natalie...

Franchesca Cox said...

Thank you for this post. I found your blog through Barbara's blog, Burble. It is so encouraging. I lost my firstborn who lived 13 days, four months ago. It is so hard, but the grace of God has been there everyday.

Sue said...

You are in my thoughts today, Natalie. Victoria, too. And I have always loved those words from The Prophet.

Smiling upon the world with heart flung wide is a good thing, and I'm trying to do the same. (Not an easy task, is it?) But it sure feels good on the days I can get there.

Much love to you.

=)

caitsmom said...

Thinking of you and your precious daughter, Victoria. I am so sorry. Sending you some hugs and hopes that there was some peace in your heart today and you felt hugged by your sweet girl.

SnarkyMama said...

Dad and I went today...the flowers are beautiful...all of them.
Pink and Green (she was right, just what a girl turning 13 would like).
Pink and White(you know me).

I told her how much you love her.
How much we all do....

I think her daddy will have a special guardian angel....
Actually, I know he will........

mom & dad

em said...

this is my 2nd favorite post you've ever written, my first being the one where you talk about your hands and how you never liked them until your daughter had them. i love the strength this post gives. the courage it gives me to take on whatever trials and struggles lay ahead, including the ones i am currently battling. how i truly trust you as one of my closest friends. however weird that may be...

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

A breathtakingly beautiful post from your beautiful heart, my sweet snarky friend. Thinking of you as you remember your sweet Victoria. Thank you for this post...for the beautiful words. For reminding all of the promises we have. I love the quotes you shared as well...especially The Prophet one. So true that joy and sorrow walk hand in hand.

Love to you,
Kelly

KC Mom said...

I thought about you all day on my drive to Winter Quarters. I have learned so much from you and your example.
"I promise the anniversaries that are now greeting you with despair and hurt...those anniversaries will not always come barging in with such ferocity. Someday they will knock gently, and with a little more compassion. They will kindly wait for you to open the door of your heart. While the longing and sadness never completely leave you, and at times memories, smells or sounds will unexpectedly flood your mind and heart, thus taking your breath away...there will also be peace."
Your words are more poetic and beautiful then you can possibly know.
Happy Birthday to your beautiful girl.

-clevergirl said...

Happy Birthday Victoria, and many **HUGS** to you and your mommy.

La Yen said...

I love you.

Shauna said...

I just want you to know I am thinking about you. Beautiful post, when i grow up i want to be able to right like you. love you, thanks for your strength and wisdom.

Mary said...

Sorry it is late but Happy birthday Victoria. Continue to give mommy the strength she has grown into.

jen said...

I feel like the worst friend ever. Hopefully, if you get a chance today, you can read my post and try to understand why I missed your post on Friday. I was thinking about you.
And, hopefully, my email will be back up today, so I can use it.
Hope your heart and soul are expanding to meet these new challenges.
Love to you.

Michelle said...

Thinking of you and your beautiful Victoria.
You'll never know how much your words mean to me--they truly give me hope.
Wishing you peace. . .