I Believe....Followed By Random "Idol"ness

We are survivors. Warriors. Mothers of children who left this earth far too soon, and anytime is far too soon. Women yearning to become mothers for the first time. Mothers of children living on this earth, the healthy children and the sick children. Mothers yearning to have another child. Strong, brave, and true...even when it seems we are just surviving. Even when we feel we aren't doing the whole survival thing as well as we should. But, we're doing it. Strong, brave, and true.

I once told my mother that I was truly at the end of my rope. I told her I felt as though I had only two options. I could tie my rope into a noose and step off the cliff. Or I could keep hanging on, even though I was most certainly slipping...slipping because I could only hold on with my thumb and pinkie, and the rope was shredding. My mother's reaction was one of tears and hurt for me. But she and I both knew that I had to make the choice. We both knew that even though she wanted desperately to pull my rope up and save me, it wasn't her choice to make.

She could only give words of encouragement, words of strength and hope. She would have to wait until I got to a point where I could grab her hand. While there are times when others can reach down and pull us up, there are also times when we have to fight the battle ourselves. Find a way to grab that rope with both hands, not just a tiny pinkie and thumb. Hold on with all of our might. Listen to those words from others. Scratch and claw the rocks and dirt, until we are close enough to grab the outstretched hands of those who want to help us.

Some days our surviving, our scratching and clawing, may lead to the seemingly simple feat of getting out of bed. If you are the person finding their way out of bed, it is far beyond a simple feat. Warriors and Survivors, with our vastly different beliefs and circumstances, find a way to hang on, to hold out for better days ahead. I wonder, what keeps you hanging on? Where do you find that inner strength needed to grab the rope and pull yourself up...either all the way up, or just far enough to take hold of outstretched hands?

I believe in God, The Eternal Father. I believe in His Son, Jesus Christ, my Savior. I believe in hope, peace, love, and joy. I have faith in those things. I believe in the sanctity of families and friendships. I believe in prayer and fasting with a purpose. I believe in miracles. I also believe there are times we don't get our miracle. I believe it's ok to wonder and question. I don't understand much of what happens in this great big world of ours. I am finally ok with not understanding. I am also perfectly comfortable with you not believing as I do.

Truth is a personal thing. What is truth to me, truth I believe with every fiber of my being, is not truth to others. And others believe their truth with every fiber of their being as well. My point is that people believe just exactly what they want to believe. That in no way means our beliefs take all the pain away, or that our beliefs right all the world's wrongs. It means we have found our personal method of survival. It means we have found our way to be a warrior, even when we are completely battle weary.

Some of us believe in God, some of us don't. Some of us are religious and spiritual, some of us are neither. But our similarities far exceed our differences. We are open to the beliefs of others. We understand that although we may not always agree, we can and should find common ground. We want to find the good in this life.

So, what do you believe? Where do you find that strength to keep pulling yourself up? It doesn't much matter to me...not in the "I don't care" kind of way. I mean, it doesn't matter to me if you find the strength from God, nature, friends, music...just as long as you KEEP GOING. Keep scratching and clawing your way up that rocky cliff.

And that voice you hear? You'll be glad to know, you aren't crazy after all. It's my voice. Cheering you on. Whispering, sometimes yelling, words of hope and strength. Maybe we have known each other for years? Maybe we just met recently? It's possible we have never even met. But I'm here, and you can grab my outstretched hand whenever you are ready. Because you need to know, I believe in better days ahead. I believe in your ability to survive. And for now, even if you don't believe you are a warrior, that's ok. I'll believe it for you.

And now, for something more light-hearted...and very random.
Because The Captain is currently chief resident, he had a med student from Thailand assigned to him. I've written in the past of The Captain's modesty, his unbelievable humility. But people, I think the Thai med student attempted to change my man! The Thai guy had this to say in an email: "I will never forget you. I will think of you not as a supervisor, but forever as my idol. Meeting you was my best of luck." WHAT? Idol?? NO. No way can I live with a Thai Idol under my roof. To top it all off, the med student gave The Captain a beautiful tie. A really beautful tie. It's made of fine silk, came from Thailand, and is the color of Thai royalty. FanFreakinTastic!! What if he gets some big idea...like he starts believing he really is royalty, and royalty doesn't do laundry! Surely you see my predicament? Thanks Thai guy. Thanks a lot.

My last bit of random "idol"ness. I'm sorry. I just can't let this go. There is a lovely young lady on American Idol. She is seriously cute as a button, tatted up, and I love her quirkiness. The problem is, she is just so extremely awkward when she moves. It verges on painful to watch. And I really like her. If any of you know this young lady, do her a favor. Could you just strap her to a chair when she sings? I think this might increase her chances of moving forward in the competition. If you are opposed to that, fine, I'll just close my eyes when she sings.

Happy Friday Snarkettes and Snarkers. Keep on keepin' on!