Sunday, June 20, 2010

One Day

To: Daddy
From: Chloe

I walk through the memoir aisle of the local bookstore and chuckle.
I think to myself, "If you only knew."

Everybody has a story. Bottom line, there are countless numbers of us who could
write a memoir powerful enough to knock readers' socks off.
Everybody has a story.

If I knew the right people, moved in their circles, and had a fantastic editor?
Ohhh, the story I could tell.
And one day, I will. When the time is right.
Most likely, it will never go further than this little spot right here.
And maybe you will be the only person reading.
I'll be just fine with that.

For now, I leave you with this:
I love my Snarky Dad; although, there isn't much that's snarky about him. That side only shows itself when he's joking around, teasing us. He teaches and leads by quiet example. He is kind and gentle, a shining example of putting others before self. I love and adore him. Some of the things I love most about myself are things he taught me. He traded in every single one of his dreams. For me. You would be in awe if I told you. I'm 38 years old, I lived it....and I'm still amazed. 

I love the man who let Snarky Dad give me a new life and raise me....the reasons why don't matter. I choose to believe it was all for the sake of love. Things feel better that way. I am grateful for the precious great-grandparents, grandparents, aunt, and cousins I have because of him. I cherish those relationships. And I'm grateful for what we have now. I see things in myself that are absolutely him. Time and an open heart have shown me how to embrace every one of them. I love him.

When I was a child, the adults in my life were young, entirely too young. Huge decisions were made on my behalf. Twists, turns, and train wrecks too numerous to count. But I never doubted that I was every person involved. I was angry, confused, and sad at times. But, I was happy too. I knew all of these people would fight to the death for me, if it came down to it. And I've made peace with their decisions. Realized I have nothing to feel guilty about, especially the fact that I love them all. I have a big heart, and everybody's welcome. Whew, it was a long and bumpy road getting here. So glad I made it. I think it's all turned out remarkably well.

I love my husband, the father of my 4 beautiful children. I've been trying. Really trying. No words can describe it. Today, there are no words great enough to capture what my heart feels for him. I can only pray he knows.


Amy said...

I love you Natalie!! Thinking of you today...and every day

Barbara said...

Of course he knows, how could he not know with a heart that big loving him?


KC Mom said...

I choose to feel the same way too.

I will try to keep feeling that way tomorrow.

Love you.

jen said...

I wish I could speed time up for you until the day he gets home. And I can't imagine how hard it is to single parent ALL. THE. TIME. Plus all the worry and stress.
Thinking of you, my friend!

Melanie said...

Hope your hubby & dad had a great day!

Sue said...

Oh, yeah. He knows.

(I suspect you are not very good at hiding it!)


PS. Wish I could wish that waiting time away for you.

Much love.

caitsmom said...

"But I never doubted that I was loved" This is a statement that rings true for me as well, it's the only reason I survive the challenges of life. Wishing all children felt this---never doubting that they were loved!

Oh, and my unsolicited 2 cents (heh heh) Write your story . . . there's never a good time for good, bad, or indifferent news!


Jess said...

Awaiting your story- and hoping The captain's homecoming is soon

karen said...

How I wish that the time could pass quickly for you! There's no pain quite like the loneliness of missing your true companion. I'm sure he knows of your great love for him. Hang in there, sweetie. You've got your great kids (on some days a mixed blessing, but they do make the time go quickly!) you've got your family, and, although we're a poor substitute, you've got all of us. And we do think about you.